Back to school shopping

[Ben_Ander0590]

Background:

I came across this forum when I started searching for some advice and I’m hoping to get some advice especially if you are a father of sons. A little about me my name is Ben and I am recently divorced ()and have a 11 yo and 14 yo son. My ex and I have joint custody and live in same town so it’s nice to have a non complicated situation. I know many will ask so I will just say that I’m a trunk kinda guy always have been and to me they are sexy ha. Now I will say I have always been a gentleman if of the finer brands in life so I don’t do the Fruit of the Look or Hanes. Ever since I was old enough to buy underwear I would get the pins cotton and polyester trunks from Armani. Love them!

Backstory:
The past two years for school shopping we decided to that my ex would get the school supplies they needed and clothes such as t shirt and pants etc. I would get them shoes, socks, Underwear, backpack, electronics such as phones. Well last couple week or so my ex called saying that my son 14 yo needs new underwear since they were cut up.I was confused because I was like “ well duh that is what we are going to do in day or so when I have them here.” I wasn’t sure why she seemed irritated then again doesn’t surprise me so I just left it and said I would get him some anyways.

Shopping time:

Well the day came when they were staying with me and I decided we’ll go get food and go to mall. Like I said I got them shoes and had to stop at Dicks Sporting goods since they are both active and it’s their favorite store. My 11 yo loves baseball and my 14 yo plays basketball and karate. So it’s their fav store. Anyway we go to mall and I take them to get few more shirts at Macy and Dillards and while there to get some underwear since better quality than Walmart or target. My 11 to picked out his and my 14 yo took his time looking. So i decided to go get some dress shirts for work while there and give me 15 or so. When I return I ask did you get you so underwear and he said no not yet . I tell him well we don’t have all day man and point to the trunks and said grab you the Armani ones they good quality and he said he wasn’t sure. I did tell him what’s the problem you got those last time do u want different style? He said yes and I showed him the briefs and boxers( which I personally hate lol) I tell them to get some of those and he said they didn’t have the ones he wanted. I asked him what did he want and I could tell he felt nervous and showed me on his phone a pic of guy wearing what looks like a bikini. I grab his phone and i said you want bikini underwear? Then I realizes it wasn’t that once I swiped the image it was a guy in a thong. I didn’t know what to think and didn’t know what to say. I will be honest I did get mad and kinda scold him about why he wanted to wear something like that? He said he wanted to try something different. And I will be honest I felt bad cause I can tell he was nervous about me getting mad and looking back wish I reacted differently I try to be open minded and in that situation I wasn’t. (ESPECIALLY on how I grew up I shouldn’t jump to conclusions) I took a moment and said how do you know about that kind of underwear? Did you see someone wear it? He said no and that he saw a video on YouTube. I was still shocked and thought about it and ended up telling him to call his mom and now it made sense cause when he got off ahold of her and I talked to her she was livid saying that no guy should be wearing that and it’s gross and that is why she said he needed new pairs since he cut the pairs he had into the thong like style. He went on on about it wrong it was and I could tell he felt bad and tbh it kinda made me mad and I told his mom that don’t worry about it I will have a talk with him when we get home. I told him to get the packs of trunk from Armani and he did and we left. On the way home he didn’t say anything and when he got home he went to his room. His younger brother was kinda teasing him about the undies he wanted and I told him that’s enough and I asked him to go to my room while I talked to his brother. I’m in two bed apartment so not much privacy so wanted to talk to him alone. When I knocked and ask if I could come in he said yes and I asked him again why he wanted the underwear. He said in all honesty that he wanted something different. And u said how do you know if you like them. He explained that he cut up old ones and he like the feel but his mom found out and got mad and threw them. I tried to be understanding and ended up telling him that’s it okay ti want that I didn’t want him to think about it being bad and than it’s just new for me since your my son and asking for in way sexier underwear than what I have. I told him to let me think it over a few days and we’ll see about the underwear.


I looked up on Reddit and many people are so negative and don’t really give advice. I’m trying to do what is right cause he is a good kid never any problem and basically just want to know if anyone has any experience with son wanting thongs? Did you buy for him ? How to deal like ex wife and him wearing them? Open for advice and thank you for taking time to read.

[TANGA TANGA]

Welcome to the forum.Hope you enjoy the experience.

[Ben_Ander0590]

Thank you Tanga Tanga

[_Pm77_]

I can’t speak to this from personal experience but huge props to you for seeking out answers and advice on how to navigate this. If he’s cutting up his other underwear it’s probably pretty safe to assume it’s more than just a slight curiosity. At the end of the day it’s your choice as parents but perhaps you could get him a pack to try and then you can at least be aware of what’s going on and monitor when/where he wears them. I don’t know your son and his personality but I can’t help but think if he’s cut off then he’ll do what curious kids do, find a way to get what he wants. Then that opens up the door to him wearing them where ever/when ever and if he gets seen at school I’d imagine other kids would be pretty ruthless and immature and poke fun at him.

[Ben_Ander0590]

I can’t speak to this from personal experience but huge props to you for seeking out answers and advice on how to navigate this. If he’s cutting up his other underwear it’s probably pretty safe to assume it’s more than just a slight curiosity. At the end of the day it’s your choice as parents but perhaps you could get him a pack to try and then you can at least be aware of what’s going on and monitor when/where he wears them. I don’t know your son and his personality but I can’t help but think if he’s cut off then he’ll do what curious kids do, find a way to get what he wants. Then that opens up the door to him wearing them where ever/when ever and if he gets seen at school I’d imagine other kids would be pretty ruthless and immature and poke fun at him.

Thank you for responding. Yes I have thought that too and kids now a days are very cruel which is something I have took into consideration. As far as him cutting his underwear. He must really want that in order to want to get them. I mean I do appreciate him telling me cause I hate for him to hide something from me. Let’s say it’s underwear he hides what’s next you know.

[Bikenswim]

Welcome to the forum. Get a few plain dark solid color thongs with no flashy labels, those will not draw attention as they are just underwear. It seems the adults are making a bigger deal about it than the other kids. They all see the same stuff on their phones already.

[Ben_Ander0590]

Welcome to the forum. Get a few plain dark solid color thongs with no flashy labels, those will not draw attention as they are just underwear. It seems the adults are making a bigger deal about it than the other kids. They all see the same stuff on their phones already.

Thank you and you have a good point!

[tbdrawer]

First like others kudos to considering and looking for feedback on the idea. Also I think your son deserves praise for being brave enough to ask you. Not something I would have done. Bravest I got was to ask for multi colored briefs though I didn't realize skimpier styles were available for guys until a little older than your son,. When I discovered string bikinis were available at a local store, I went and bought some on my own. I didn't get to thongs until college.

I have a son the age of your youngest. Not sure if he'll have interest in the smaller styles or not. Of course I'll be open to it, but will be up to the wife too.

The biggest thing I see with going against the norm in underwear at that age is the stereotype that thongs and even bikinis are not for guys that is still going strong out there. That can lead to teasing or even bullying if someone finds out, since kids are not mature in their teens or even older.

Maturity is one thing to consider, which it sounds like your son is. Potentially some thick skin is needed too, which for me has been built up over the years.

Here's some potential things you could consider. He obviously is very interested in them with the fact he is trying to modify his current underwear. You could consider buying him a few pairs to wear during opportunities when he knows he won't be seen in his underwear. Maybe just when around the house to start. It will give him at least some chance to start wearing them.

Another options is offering him the step above thongs with bikinis/string bikinis if that is something you and your ex-wife may agree on. Still the chance for teasing from peers, but he still have some similar benefits of a thong. Then maybe potentially of thongs a bit later down the road.

In reality it is just underwear and most likely no one will notice if not changing in public. No, it is not the norm for guys, but they do provide benefits like great support, coolness, and they do boost confidence. I know a lot of the guys I've talked with on here and my blog interested started around your son's age.

It comes down with what you feel comfortable with and probably your ex-wife too. Ideally, you all can find a balance that can make your son satisfied too. I'm sure it is hard for him to explain why, but I can say when I tried a pair of string bikinis for the first time it just felt right. Keep your open mind about it and keep the communication open on it.

[Ben_Ander0590]

First like others kudos to considering and looking for feedback on the idea. Also I think your son deserves praise for being brave enough to ask you. Not something I would have done. Bravest I got was to ask for multi colored briefs though I didn't realize skimpier styles were available for guys until a little older than your son,. When I discovered string bikinis were available at a local store, I went and bought some on my own. I didn't get to thongs until college.

I have a son the age of your youngest. Not sure if he'll have interest in the smaller styles or not. Of course I'll be open to it, but will be up to the wife too.

The biggest thing I see with going against the norm in underwear at that age is the stereotype that thongs and even bikinis are not for guys that is still going strong out there. That can lead to teasing or even bullying if someone finds out, since kids are not mature in their teens or even older.

Maturity is one thing to consider, which it sounds like your son is. Potentially some thick skin is needed too, which for me has been built up over the years.

Here's some potential things you could consider. He obviously is very interested in them with the fact he is trying to modify his current underwear. You could consider buying him a few pairs to wear during opportunities when he knows he won't be seen in his underwear. Maybe just when around the house to start. It will give him at least some chance to start wearing them.

Another options is offering him the step above thongs with bikinis/string bikinis if that is something you and your ex-wife may agree on. Still the chance for teasing from peers, but he still have some similar benefits of a thong. Then maybe potentially of thongs a bit later down the road.

In reality it is just underwear and most likely no one will notice if not changing in public. No, it is not the norm for guys, but they do provide benefits like great support, coolness, and they do boost confidence. I know a lot of the guys I've talked with on here and my blog interested started around your son's age.

It comes down with what you feel comfortable with and probably your ex-wife too. Ideally, you all can find a balance that can make your son satisfied too. I'm sure it is hard for him to explain why, but I can say when I tried a pair of string bikinis for the first time it just felt right. Keep your open mind about it and keep the communication open on it.

Thank you for responding it means a lot. You have made of good points to think about it for sure. I know for sure my biggest concern is school. Part of my wants to tell him to wait but then again he is very adamant about getting them. My ex definitely hates them and says no. But at the same time we don’t live together and she is always my house and my rules. If that’s the case I can say the same thing. Definitely some things to look into I didn’t consider the bikini but good idea I will see. He mentioned the brand he wanted some from it starts with M that’s all I remember but I will message him and get the name maybe some of yall have tried them.

[OR-Tacoma]

Hi Ben

I applaud you for posting. When I was your son’s age my mom purchased some bikinis for me (it was a little more popular back in the 80s) though I still carried a lot of shame and fear. I longed for something skimpier, like string bikinis (and much later thongs). I too remembered cutting some up underwear to try and make my own string bikinis. (My mom was upset cause I had ruined perfectly good underwear—albeit with good intentions unbeknownst to her). I really appreciate how you are trying to be with your son, and I wish my dad had done the same for me (though my dad did the best he could given his circumstances I guess).

I think this is all part of growing up, becoming a young man, puberty, and the natural evolution of masculinity and sexuality at his age. It’s scary and new as a parent, but I think it’s natural, okay, and healthy. What a great healthy opportunity for your son to explore this in a healthy way while being supported by you. This is an opportunity to really reinforce a long-term relationship with your son and let him express himself and give him agency.

I think allowing him to wear skimpier underwear is different than allowing kids to be “sexualized” at a young age. I don’t think that is going on here. I think your son is about at the cusp since 14 is around the start of a freshman year and high school. I worry about our society’s sexualizing kids at a young age (male and especially female) combined with the easy access to pornography, etc. I think I would be extremely alarmed if my child was consuming toxic pornography, engaging in sexual activity, etc. at this age—much more than wanting to wear a thong. Exploring skimpy underwear, their own desires, etc., is still totally healthy and natural—especially at 14… Even if something more nefarious and inappropriate were going on, I would still want to have an open and honest line of communication, express love, discuss concerns and consequences while also setting and maintaining firm boundaries. But again it’s not. It’s just underwear and ultimately as a young man, it’s his body and his choice.

Another thing to think about. We were “required” to wear jockstraps in gym in junior high school (they never really checked thank god). What’s the difference between a thong and a jockstrap when it comes down to it? Frankly, a thong is more comfortable in my humble opinion.

When I think back to his age, I wanted to wear skimpy underwear, to look cool, to be attractive to women, be accepted, and I certainly wasn’t out pursuing sexual encounters with girls, consuming toxic pornography, or other things I was far too young for (though I did have a natural curiosity). And there I was somehow—I knew I wanted to wear skimpy underwear. And here I am decades later embodying what I feel comfortable in and rocking it. I was absolutely right on when I was young and could not fully pursue that comfortably and without shame or embarrassment. He might be right on, and this is an opportunity to pursue this and express himself in an avenue where this is no shame.

BTW, I will also say that I really dislike social media. I am gravely concerned about the effect it is having on the development of youth. However, it can also be an avenue to ideas that they might not have ever known about. I still have grave concerns about it for our youth… (Though I still like following some interesting topics on Instagram. I’ve learned not to follow anything that makes me feel bad or anxious, and I use it very sparingly.)

Depending on where you are geographically, the culture of your particular community, and the kind of kids at your school, it might be fine. I live in a liberal area, and depending on what school your child goes to in the community where I live, it might not be an issue for other kids. Heck, my godchildren knew things at your son’s age that I did not know until I was in my 30s and married. (Oh my god - I still remember what one of them said at the dinner table…)Your son’s desire to wear thong underwear is less shocking. I think this is healthy and normal.

There are functional things to keep in mind. I agree with what others have said. As a young man, he might not want to wear thongs where kids might see him until he is of such an age he can hold his own if he is harassed or bullied. He might want to have a few every day thongs, then give him something new to try here and there as a present. He could then have nice, maybe nice trunks or boxer briefs he could wear for when people might see him change. Like others said, you could also give him some bikinis and/or string bikinis to try. If his mom didn’t like his underwear choice, he could have a sit of underwear at your place and then a set when he is with his mom. If he were younger than 14, I would start him with something else then progress as he was older. Wearing a belt so your pants down fall down (and tucking your shirt in) also helps.

What to say to your ex? I don’t know. I don’t know much about your ex, her culture, upbringing, beliefs, values, etc. Some of that could be in play there. It sounds like there is some rigidity there, which is caused by something. I am sure some of her own baggage, values, fears, et al., are coming to play in her reaction. Being an advocate for your son is always good, while also respecting your wife’s opinions and beliefs and empathizing with them (but not agreeing). It’s almost like you are having to affirm two things at the same time: 1) that your wife is bothered by what your son wants to wear and will prohibit it at her house and 2) that your son like and wants to wear skimpy underwear. Ask her if she can defer to her son and his choice. It will have to happen sooner or later and this is a small issue comparatively. This is just her son getting older, expressing his masculinity, and expressing his preferences. I do think she is mistaken, and that this is just foreign to her hence her reaction. I would say keep the conversation going, keep an open line to her, respect her decision (as she must respect yours), and keep supporting your son. Worse case he has separate rules at her house and your son has the opportunity to express his choice of underwear at your house.

Another thing is to just make his underwear a matter of fact at home. It’s nothing special. That’s what your son wants to wear and that’s his business. Nothing special. That might diffuse tension with his brother. And if his brother tormented him, you can address it. (Sometimes diffusing it by ignoring it, not giving it any attention, or making it not socially acceptable and looked down upon, not giving it any special attention, and not laughing might help. If his younger brother makes a joke and folks just ignore it (or address it appropriately) and move on, then he might see - he is not getting any attention out of this or that it is not socially acceptable ).

I wish you and your son all the best in this new phase of becoming a young man. I hope this is helpful.