Odd Question

[SouthernBro]

I have an unusual dilemma but not sure if this site is the best place to seek advice. . If you’re open minded and think you can help a confused college kid, message me in private.

[kiyoothong]

We can all help out. Just share your problems here.

[SouthernBro]

Last year i spent about $1000on a lifesize sex doll and now im wondering if i need to hide it or throw it out since i got a new girlfriend. As much as i like the real thing, i do think it looks sexy in my room wearing a small tshirt and black thong. . Do i hide it from my gf if i invite her over?

[Guitar T]

Do I hide my doll? That is an excellent questions. The answer depends on your girlfriend and how open, progressive and sexually forward thinking she is. The other thing to think about is how long the relationship has been in place. My basic plan is to put things on the table early. If she can handle it then great. If not then maybe she isn’t the right person. Of course there is a third option, you both talk about things and come to an understanding that you both could live with. If you decide to hide the doll and the relationship progresses, she will find out about it sooner or later. Then be ready to deal with things that may be hard to explain. If you disclose things now, be ready for either a fabulous experience of an end to the relationship. My opinion is put it out there, up front and see where things of. Also know I could be completely wrong. Either way I wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

[David_NC]

I think Guitar T has some great suggestions for you. I also have one more question, you mentioned in another post you were around 19. Can I have a raise of hands of those that at 19 had saved over a grand for something like this? Now granted when I was 19 minimum wage was $5.65, we haven't come that far but I had a difficult time saving that kind of dough - so good for you and I wouldn't want to throw it away so quickly. Hopefully you'll have an understand girlfriend and see the positive side of the doll.

[CrossfiThong]

No odd question at all.
I think that you should through it away, it’s a sextoy that happens to be larger than the usuals, however, I would hide until your relationship goes farer than only bf/gf kind of think, talking about your preference in bed and what you find placed with is a very important topic, and some people are very vanilla about it.
As you noticed in this group we love skimpy underwear, and people find it odd, but we still carrying up our life and finding support from people that have the same interest.
So way until you feel confident in talk to your gf about this things, and remember, it’s a sextoy, that’s all.

[OR-Tacoma]

Hi!

I think it’s great that you shared your question with us. We are honored. Guitar T and CrossfiThong have great advice. It’s important to communicate about who you are up front. It's important to not put parts of who you are in a closet.

I think sex toys are great and healthy for our sexual expression and pleasure. If we cannot love ourselves, if we cannot enjoy ourselves sexually while solo, then how can we love others well? How can we know what gives us pleasure? And thongs and sexy underwear go right along with sexual (and personal) expression as ways to genuinely express ourselves.

However, I could be totally wrong, and please forgive me if I am… I could see this life like toy as potentially crossing a line with many women and being offensive to some of even the most liberal and sex positive women. (I could see this being offensive to even the most open minded women I know). I know as a male, I would not be offended by a partner’s sex toy collection, some kinks, some fetishes (quite the opposite actually). But If my partner had a life size realistic male sex doll, I would be a bit bothered and creeped out. (But, that’s just me!) And there are sexually healthy women that have all sorts of kinks and fetishes that would be a non-negotiable for me. So, two sides of the coin!

I think it’s one thing to have a cheesy blow up doll as a gag gift (I remember a female friend doing that for her husband at a party). I remember a funny Curb Your Enthusiasm episode with Larry David and a blow up doll. However, having a life like full human representation might be tricky for many of the most pro sex and liberal women I know. Could I be wrong, I might be, but based on my friendships with female friends (along with knowing my wife who is very liberal and open minded), I think it might be tricky for many women. Again, I could be totally wrong. And heck - if you decided not to keep it could you sell it on eBay or another avenue to recoup some of your money???

Think about how this toy might impact your partner. I could see a woman thinking, “…why is he using this doll when he can have me and experience all of me sexually—mind, body, and spirit.” Well, even in long lasting, healthy, and sexually compatible relationships partners engage in solo pleasure with sex toys. And this is totally healthy and normal. Though a life like human sex doll—that feels like a different story. Again, this is something you will have to work out and discuss with your sexual partner and accept their boundaries (and they would have to accept yours). Again there are women with all sorts of healthy kinks and fetishes that would be a non-negotiable for me.

I think it’s important to develop good communication with your sexual partner. It’s important to discuss your desires, fetishes, kinks, etc., with them (which are a normal and healthy part of sexual expression). If you think your partner might be open, you could discuss it, though I have a sense about how that might go (again, I could be wrong). I would honestly consider what truly are your non-negotiables—and be prepared. How important are they and what is truly a deal breaker? (Personally, thongs for both me and my partner along with a sex positive and loving relationship are non-negotiables!!!)

Part of maturing is finding yourself, learning about yourself, your sexual desires, and accepting them. This then allows you to communicate those to other partners, learn about their desires, how to please them, how to love them. And over time you will learn to find the right compatible partner(s), and develop mutually fulfilling relationships (and sexual relationships), which will allow both of you to be honest about who you are, your desires, and be free of judgement.

Hope this is helpful and my apologies if I am off base and long winded.

[OR-Tacoma]

In the same vane as other posters: the New York Times had a great article on sex and communication. Paraphrasing the article: communication is the foundation for any sexual relationship. (I would include romantic as well.)

https://www.nytimes.com/article/relatio ... -2023.html

Short excerpt:

Most people rarely talk about sex with their partners, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and co-author of “Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.” Or, as she previously told The Times, they discuss it only when there’s an issue.

But Ms. Marin believes communication is the foundation of a satisfying sex life, and talking about it is a skill partners can learn...It can increase intimacy, and ease you into talking about sex on a more regular basis.